Post-Umrah Bluez

"Consistency is Commitment"

Coming back from umrah makes you feel so different. I have never ever felt so empty and refreshed after an overseas trip. (By the way, this is what I wanted.) Let me explain further... You know before you leave for umrah, every single person has their own intentions of going. For some, they wanted peace. For some, they wanted a light of knowledge. For some, they want guidance to the right path. For me, I just wanted happiness and satisfaction. And I got it, alhamdulillah.

I wanted to come back fresh and happy and I got that. Alhamdulillah. I came back as a new me and putting all my past behind. It's like I'm on a fresh page in life. Before this, life was so harsh on me. So harsh to a point that I needed that little happiness and hope in life. Something to cheer me up. AND I GOT THAT. So here is a really funny story... I could sense how people were so upset about me leaving for umrah 'silently'. Let me defend myself but explaining why I DID NOT TELL ANYONE about it. HAHAHA. Firstly, this isn't my first umrah. Secondly, I didn't want anyone to send me off at the airport (but of course my bestfriend, A, did anyway). As promised, I will blog on how every umrah impacted my life. UMRAH 2001 - The Introduction I was only 4 and my memories were a little here and there. Let's just say - the trip made me super duper happy as a kid. The only thing I could remember was running around Masjidil Haram and Masjid Nabawi, chasing birds. Being forced to eat a dead bird. Alhamdulillah, managed to kiss the Hajar Aswad and some funny moments like my tudung falling during tawaf and I was so scared to death that my hair would be seen. Of course, every kids dream was getting a toy camel that sings "Ya thoybah". That's really cute and funny!! This visit was like an introduction to Islam. I did not remember most of the religious aspect of it but I remembered all the nice things like being able to be happy and I remember getting air batu Malaysia from this kakak. The littlest things made me so happy and I cherished that so much. UMRAH 2012 - The Learning I was 15 - I went in June. I've already went in depth in religion. I got more interested when I turned 13. This trip was basically an exciting one for me because I've been longing to go for the past 2 years of learning Islam. I remember how nervous I was because my knowledge in Islam was still very little. But alhamdulillah, it was an eye opening experience. I realised during this time that there were still many things for me to learn - history of Islam, Fiqh of Islam, etc. This trip gave me more drive to continue learning and do better for the sake of Allah s.w.t. and to be a better person for Allah s.w.t. Little did I know that after this trip, I faced many challenges. I was hospitalised (nearly diagnosed with cancer) and I just wanted to repent and stop dancing for good. It was really hard for me but I thought that maybe sacrificing passion for the sake of religion could bring me to a better place - and it did in a long run. I also met with heartbreaks, disappointments and backstabbing by many people around me. Just nice, it was time for me to carry out my 3rd visit to Makkah & Madinah. UMRAH 2014 - The Healing & Wanting I was 17 - went in March and was about to enter Polytechnic. This time, after much heartbreaks and just sadness, I went to umrah IN A MESS. I remember praying for jodoh, good friendships, studies, career and all my future planning. I was so scared for my future which was so uncertain. I prayed a lot for people and I focused on praying for me to meet people that will bring me closer to Islam. I prayed for things that could make me a better servant towards Allah s.w.t. I prayed for more and more knowledge in Islam. I got it! After the trip, I met so many people in Polytechnic, including N. I met so so so manyyy, ma shaa Allah, people who had the same mindset as me that we had one goal, to please Allah s.w.t. - people from Mosque, Instagram, Polytechnic and Madrasah.

But after a few years, things went wrong in my life and people started to change - people start to slander me, people start to go against me, they didn't want to be part of my hardships and I realised that all these friendships made "for the sake of Allah" was just a label. I felt like all these situations were like signs from Allah s.w.t to tell me that He have given whatever I wanted but He also pulled back everything and showed me "But this isn't the best for you. Now, I am showing you what is best for you." UMRAH 2019 - For the betterment I am 22. I went with lesser things in my head. I can safely say, almost everyone around me broke my heart a lot for the past 5 years. I could count the number of people who were there during my tough times and my hardships. YES, I COULD COUNT THEM. Thus, I went and prayed more for myself. I became more selfish this time round. I didn't want anything much from others but I wanted more from Allah s.w.t... It wasn't about people trying to make me closer to Allah s.w.t but it was about me being directly close to Allah s.w.t THROUGH MY OWN EFFORTS AND OWN INTENTIONS AND DOINGS. I wanted to be strong for myself. It doesn't matter if I lose everything, as long as I have Allah s.w.t that I could depend on. There is no more such thing as clinging on to people or relying/depending on others to be close to Allah s.w.t. This myth was proven during the last 5 years and now, I got smarter when making prayers. Alhamdulillah. I also learnt a lot about Islam for the past years and I am more confident now about the History of Islam and that is why I decided to take videos and show the world how beautiful being in Makkah and Madinah is. With hopes, everyone will always have this longing to go and I can look back at those videos when I miss it. May Allah s.w.t. accepts all my ibadah and umrah. I could never ask for a much more eye opening trip. It was really spiritually and mentally strengthening and I could never ask for a better way to recharge and reset myself. I promised myself to do better and to just live less. To always renew intentions for Allah s.w.t. and not for others. There is nothing else to prove to others when you have already proven yourself to Allah s.w.t. ♡♡

thepinkrosette