It's okay

" It's okay not to be okay, sometimes"

Ramadhan is arriving very soon and the next time I will be posting a blog, we will already be in the beautiful month of Ramadhan. I am SUPER DUPER excited yet simply just so nervous. Why? Because Ramadhan is just such a blessed month where we take the extra mile and take the chance to do EXTRA good deeds and to get closer to Allah s.w.t. However, I am just so nervous that I won't have the time to do all that because there are so many things to be done - exams, test, assignments, report, essays, quizzes, all due during the time of Ramadhan. Okay, I know I need to chill. I was reminded of last Sunday's religious class where Ustaz S reminded us that every single time we wake up, we have to make it a habit to make intentions in our heart of the good things/deeds we plan to do for that day and we end the intention by saying "...for the sake of Allah s.w.t." as every good intention we make, we get 1 reward and if we actually DID that good deed, we will be rewarded as much as 700 times, subhanAllah.

Isn't Allah s.w.t so so generous???? Yet we STILL don't put in the effort sometimes to do good when there is always so much reward waiting for us. Urgh, humans.

So, I have been practicing to make it a habit ever since Monday although by Wednesday, I was already so tired. I reached home at 8 PM from school and I had to help with house chores and not forgetting about my revisions. I was so tired but I took a deep breath and reminded myself and prayed, "Do it for Allah. Ya Allah, see my effort, PLEASE." and ma shaa Allah, in an instant I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I still felt tired but it was a nice kind of tired feeling - more of a satisfying feeling because I know, He sees and He will reward me with what I deserve, in shaa Allah. By night, I went to watch Ustazah Liyana Musfirah's live streaming on Instastory and she also talked about the same thing - of how motherhood would be so hard for mothers to juggle spiritual activities and taking care of the kids during Ramadhan. She also advised us that whenever we feel so tired, always pray to Allah s.w.t, "Ya Allah, I am so tired, please reward me." This does not mean we demand it but we pray and ask from Allah s.w.t who is the Most Merciful, Most Generous and the Only One who could reward us.

This actually makes us feel like our efforts are all NOT for NOTHING but for Allah s.w.t. and reminding all that to ourselves is like reaffirming that, YES ALLAH SEES AND ALLAH WILL REWARD. Another thing that I would really want to remind myself is that... It's okay to feel tired It's okay to feel doubtful It's okay to feel that you are imperfect It's okay to feel shitty It's okay to feel numb It's okay to feel weak It's okay to feel down It's okay to feel like giving up It's okay to feel like you are worthless

It's okay to feel like you don't deserve something sometimes It's okay to feel like you are failing yourselves or people around you It's okay to feel like you messed up It's okay to feel like people aren't impressed and happy with you It's okay to feel like people are looking down on you It's okay to feel like you don't stand out and shine It's okay to feel like you just want to be alone It's okay to feel like "what is wrong with me?"

BUT It's ONLY okay if, after all that, you rise back up to the top. A successful person will always be at the bottom a few times but at the end of the day, they will always always always RISE TO THE TOP.

I pray that every single one of you will get your different version of success soon and remind yourself that if no one sees your effort, there will be One who is All-Seeing, Allah s.w.t♥

thepinkrosette