After twenty-one years,

" Some people get lost for so long they forget what it was like to be themselves. Find yourself again, and stay that way."

Since it would be my birthday in a few days, I would want to talk about something more personal and meaningful to me. One of the topics I would cover would be how I actually "found" myself and who I really am. But, before I start, a few weeks ago, I stumbled on a tweet/thread that left an impact on me which gave me an idea to talk about this.

You can click on the picture to see the full thread. Basically, he was explaining how a lot of two young people who don't even know themselves come together to be a couple. In the end, both of them don't know where they are heading together and their relationship doesn't work out well. But, let's put relationships aside, the point I'm focusing is the specific tweet that I quoted above which really impacted me in a way.

On the first week of 2018, I was thinking and reflecting, that I was going to turn 21 soon. Suddenly, I felt that weird feeling, of finally knowing what I want in the future, what am I as a person, and what are the principles I want to have in mind. 2017, was a really rough year for me. It was the toughest. I shouldn't carry on because whatever happens then stays there. (Don't want those negativity to come back once more)

After UPS and DOWNS in life, I realise I'm the best version of myself when I stay positive. Even how hard life hits you, I stay calm and positive. Also, I was a person who loves to give in - this is why most people took advantage of it (that's what I felt). Thus, I learn to speak out my thoughts. However, I could not control it with the influence of the type of people around me. I lost control, and I became more angsty, I complained too much, I hated every teeny-weeny problem I had in my life, I became more narrow-minded, I became less and less positive, I keep ranting here and there.

Then when 2018 came,

I took a pause.

I thought so hard, as to why I give in to all the type of negativity I received around me? Wasn't I happier back then when all I had was good intentions, good mind, and good thoughts? And instead of dragging myself down further, I pulled myself up. Maybe the way to find myself back was to do the old school method, "block people who made me feel negative" and "seek those with constant positive vibe". BUT, this came with a twist too! Because the last time I did this, I became too attached to the people that gave me the positive vibes that till the day they kind-of "betrayed" me (backbiting is the most toxic and painful thing in the world), I totally lost myself again. So being too dependent on someone for positive vibes is a NO GO.

So, I thought, "Ok dearself, it's now or never. I'm going to be positive starting from, within me." Then I thought what other ways can I stay positive and post reflections on positive things that COULD also impact others too who might be in the same position as me? And now, I'm going to start a little story of my past self.

I started blogging in 2009, when I was 12. Maybe I started in the late 2008 but 2009 was a more impactful year. (I change blogs very often) I never really knew what I wanted as a blogger. Sometimes I felt it was too personal, sometimes I felt it was too vague, I even had a blog dedicated to poems I wrote. The very last blog I wrote was in 2015, where I chose to stop as I THOUGHT I wanted to pursue other things that could make me happy. Then in 2017, there were GREAT bloggers on the rise, namely, Aida Azlin and Vivy Yusof, my two very inspired writers and entrepreneurs. (BTW I tried doing business but it failed. I can totally tell you that I really am not good at that but if I ever wanted to continue with it, I would give my heart and soul to it. Just not for now)

I felt a sense of motivation and encouragement after I read their post because really, it's not very ATAS or something very DIFFICULT to understand. It's very simple, and meaningful and just positive vibes all around. You can also read the sincerity in writing every post and the reflections they make. Their posts are so REAL that it is SO SO RELATABLE. So being inspired, I thought to myself, WHY NOT I START BLOGGING TOO?

So here I am, doing what I love most, writing.

I pray that everyone of us who is lost or still putting effort to find themselves, would eventually find it one day. Take time to pause and reflect, and do what you do best, and what you think is best for you. ♥

thepinkrosette