My mistake,

" Maturity is being able to apologize and

admit when you are wrong because you know

that your mistakes don't define you"

I am writing this post with a very very heavy heart and one thing is for sure that it bothers me so much to think about this. I've been contemplating to write about this but I think I just had to reflect on it, let it all out and move on.

MISTAKES - this is what every human being does. We are all humans and we can't run away from them.

I am a little bothered with my situation right now as it is affecting my relationship with someone who was close to me or rather someone who is going to be one of the most important people in my life.

It saddens me that a "sorry" actually don't work for some people. It is hard for them to move on even though to me, all I have ever done was good to them. It saddens me that how a mistake can make people hate you till they didn't want to do anything with you anymore. It saddens me that how a mistake can make people despise your whole entire family and blame on how you were brought up. It saddens me how when you do just one mistake and people see you as a bad person and forgets about all the good things in you. It saddens how you make a mistake, realise, and people just don't believe that you have changed into a better person. It saddens how people think that your mistake defines your whole attitude towards life. It saddens how people take your mistake as a way to make you feel like you are not good enough for the things you deserve in life. It saddens how your mistake can make a person hate you so much that they don't want to see you again or even hear from you.

It took me MONTHS to actually reflect and find for answers to actually not dwell on it so much and to move on from this feeling (because 2018 was about letting go of the negatives and having more positives). It was bothering me so much I kept reflecting like "what is really wrong with me?" I also went to talk to a few close friends of mine about my situation and I'm glad that all they gave was good advices and positive vibes to tell me that I am not all that the person thought of me. I also start to realise that this problem was only between me and that one person. And I am glad that my relationship with other people are still so far so good. So last month in January, I decided to visit the bookstore because I told my bestfriend, A that I felt like reading. I did not look for a specific book but I feel it is a blessing in disguise that I saw this book called Revive Your Heart by Nouman Ali Khan. The first few chapters were very inspiring which I might touch on it the next few post. However, as I was reading, a chapter really captured my heart, made my heart sank with tears like it was FOR ME and MY SITUATION.

Let me quote that paragraph, "Then we can become people that can take criticism because we are not giving criticism in a nasty, ugly, mean way; in an insensitive way. We are doing it because we have already developed a kind of bond with each other. We can have criticism going back and forth with each other and it's fine. All human beings recognize that they make mistakes. The only way they grow is if they learn from one another, Subhanallah."

It hits me because one thing I learn from this is that people that are worth to be in your life are those who advice you nicely and still accepts you for who you are even though you have made mistakes because the only thing they want is GROWTH -growing together to be better and stronger as a person.

Doesn't mean people have been treating you like a criminal, doesn't mean you are one. What matters is that you know you learn from that mistake and you will not do it again. People who still judge you for your past mistakes or define who you are by your mistake are not the type of positive people we want to be around with. All we need now are people who are there for you, encouraging you, every single step in your life to be a better person. And that's what all my close friends have been reminding me,"Don't think about all these people and think about us who is sincerely there for you."

I pray all of those who are struggling to be better because people have been judging you for your past will get the courage to get through the phase. I also hope all of us will be people that are supportive and willingly help those who are struggling to be better and when we feel like judging them, we stop to think that no one is perfect and instead, help each other to grow. And I hope I will always remember to speak nicely to people with love when advising. ♥

thepinkrosette

PS: in a few years time, I pray my relationship with this person will be the closest ever. And I hope one day in the future, I will write about the person and at the same time able to tell myself that the patience was all worth it. Ameen.